God is in the Midst of Her...

--Jeremiah continues to be the Lord's instrument in making me a kinder, sweeter, more beautiful, and more Godly woman. I feel like he's always bringing me back to my purest self, making me remember who I am, and helping me achieve my highest good. Finding my prince and falling in love with him has been messier and harder than I expected...and yet, much richer than I dared to hope. It's challenged my faith, and in turn, bolstered it immensely.

--I am moving home to beautiful Webster Groves, Missouri! I am packing my bags in Columbia and moving back into my parents' house on November 22nd. I don't think words can adequately express how delighted I am to be returning to St. Louis. When I graduated college, I wasn't yet done with Columbia; I needed more time here. However, now the time has come for a new season.

--I am starting what promises to be an amazing new job on November 30th! I will be an OB Case Manager for the Family Care Health Center in St. Louis (http://fchcstl.org). I will be developing relationships with women throughout their pregnancies and counseling them regarding motherbaby care. I can't wait! :)

--I've generally always accepted the "a husband should love his wife like Christ loved the Church and a wife should therefore submit to her husband" thing. I know it's good and right and true. However, when played out in a real-life relationship, it's much harder to deal with. It means that when I am married, if a compromise can't be reached, I don't get my way. It means I have to be a bigger person that I am right now. Dang...it must be hard to get used to being married. But I guess getting naked helps.

--Sometimes I wonder why people ask me for advice. In asking me for wisdom, people assume I possess it. This is very flattering and all, but it's also a lot of pressure. I am not a life coach. I can only see the world through my own eyes and my own experience...what works for me won't necessarily work for anyone else, cause they don't have Halley eyes. I only know what I would do...isn't it curious that it's easy to know what you'd do if you were plunked into someone else's life, and yet it's so confusing trying to figure out what to do with your own?

--My Halley eyes get me in trouble sometimes, regarding the things I am passionate about. I get tunnel vision and when I get really hyped up about something, I forget that not everyone holds the same views that I do. As a good friend once told me, "The hardest part of having a passion is giving grace to those who don't share your passion." Many of my passions I hold so tightly that I think it's ludicrous if people don't agree with me (probably all of them, actually, if I'm honest). I need help in giving more grace.

--I really hate that we live in a fallen world. I wish we could all go back to Eden. I wish everyone could be naked and not be ashamed and not wrapped in the emotional and physical trappings of the world. I wish we could all be real with each other. I wish the sight of a women breastfeeding was so totally normal and accepted that it was a completely mundane conversation topic. I wish all kids grew up watching their mom nurse their siblings. I'd love to see more kids pretending to nurse their dolls instead of pretending to feed them bottles of formula (aka, poison). (Sorry, the Halley eyes again...but it's true :)

--I read some commentary recently about how a Christian husband and wife should approach their wedding night (things to talk about beforehand, realistic and unrealistic expectations, what to do about awkwardness, etc). Most of it seemed to be sound advice and made good sense, however I was offended by the author's assumption that the woman will feel extremely self-conscious about exposing her body to her new husband. Excuse me? What a perverted assumption. Our culture and media is constantly making women feel badly about their bodies, and therefore I can see that it may indeed be tragically common for virgin brides to feel self-conscious on their wedding nights. For that reason, I suppose I can see how the author's words could be helpful. However, I think it was wrong of him not to lament this awful reality! My body isn't perfect, but it is beautiful and God-created and GOOD. When I think about my own wedding night, I do not feel self-conscious at all! I am so excited to reveal myself! And I am so sad for anyone who isn't! Maybe I'll walk around naked my whole honeymoon...maybe it would somehow even the score for those poor women who feel insecure about sharing their bodies with the men who love them.

--Hydrogen peroxide will get out pomegranate stains...FYI :)

I'm still shaking. On my way back to Columbia today from Jeff City, I got caught in a huge rainstorm. I didn't think much of it, because I was pumped about my successful morning at the Capitol and enjoying happy songs on my ipod, (and had fallen into the trap of being too comfortable with driving and not giving car accidents the reverence they deserve), but then everything changed in a flash. I looked down at my ipod for just a few seconds, and when I looked up, the SUV in front of me was braking nearly to a stop and I was still going 70 mph. Instantly I gasped and swerved into the left lane, where there was also a car, so I had to swerve back into the right lane immediately. With the highway being so wet and my jerky movements going so fast, I started hydroplaning out of control. My steering wheel and brakes suddenly became useless and I was at the mercy of physics. I don't know how many times my car whipped from side to side; I'd guess 4 or 5. I nearly hit the guard rail before spinning around 180 degrees, where my car came to a complete stop -- facing the OPPOSITE DIRECTION on Highway 63!

By a miracle of God, I didn't hit anything or anyone. There wasn't a scratch on my car. But now I was really in a pickle -- my car was stalled out in the left lane of the highway, facing oncoming traffic. I started to panic when I realized I couldn't turn the key. My car wouldn't turn on or off. I flicked my hazard lights on and tried to catch my breath. A white van was charging at me, flying down the highway in the rain and fog. I don't know when they saw me, but I remember thinking I was about to die before the finally darted into the outside lane. Cars were zigging and zagging before my eyes as they desperately tried to avoid my car essentially parked in the middle of the highway. Another car zoomed toward me in the left hand lane and cut over at the last minute. In retrospect, I can't believe how calm I was this whole time. I certainly was hyperventilating and tachycardic and hypertensive, but by the grace of God I was still functioning. I frantically tried to turn the key in the ignition to no avail. I fished my cell phone out of my purse and thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, this is really happening, I have to call 911!"

I glanced down at my gears, scarred to call 911 but scared to die. For a moment I had the crazy notion of getting out of the car and running into the nearby ditch. Then it hit me. When I had spun out of control, I had pushed the gear into neutral. That's why my car wouldn't turn on or off. With a quick burst of purpose, I put the car in park, turned it off, started the engine again, and was back in drive. Beyond the miracles that I was still alive, still breathing, had a perfectly intact vehicle, there were no semis in sight, and I had retained some rational thought, Jesus blessed me once more: I was only twenty or so feet from an emergency turn-around spot...and it was the middle of a weekday. When no one was coming I drove forward the 20 or so feet (going the wrong direction on the highway), and turned around on that pavement that ambulances and firetrucks use during emergencies -- I think this qualified! I pulled back out onto 63, and quivered in shock and disbelief as I drove the last few miles back to Columbia with my hands in the 10 and 2 position. Needless to say, I didn't touch my ipod.

Somehow I made it all the way to my driveway. I turned the car off, turned the lights off, and just lost it. I balled my eyes out, just sitting in my driveway, not believing what had just happened, or how incredibly fortunate I was to be spared. I know that every breath I draw in is from the Lord, but I have never before been so acutely aware of the fragility of life and how quickly those breaths may be gone. I told my mom about it this afternoon and of course really freaked her out. She told me I must have one heck of a guardian angel. I should have died, my gosh, at least been hurt, at least scratched up my car for the sake of all reason! God was at work. He is beyond reason and the laws of physics. Not my time to come Home yet. I know this is going to sound just like Simon Birch...but God must have a really, really awesome plan in mind for me.